Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
How external is "for external use only"?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
