If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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