look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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