I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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