1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
