i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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