last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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