i permit you to call me
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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