You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
