It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
