Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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