Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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