Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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