How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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