My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
