I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
