I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
