are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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