hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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