So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
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I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
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The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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