I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
