I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
