Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
