Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
