This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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