marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
