yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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