I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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