at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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