Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
she smelled like a LAN party
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
