20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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