i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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