i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
