Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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