I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
