I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
