I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
