I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
