I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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