Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
