So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
