You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
