the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
