he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
