it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
