Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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