Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We are two peas in an std pod
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
