I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize