my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize