using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
