I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
