there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
