dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
