Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
