I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
