I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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