She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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