How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
