So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
