You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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