Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
