You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I understand Curling. That high.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
