Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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