So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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