Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
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Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
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Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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