dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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