Your dad touched me again.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
