dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
