bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
