You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
