that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize