ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
