I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize