He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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