Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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