My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
