I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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