you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
