As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
