I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize