Apparently you make a good broom.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
