how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
