Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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