HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
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We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
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IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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