All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
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Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
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If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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