Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
