just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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