UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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